I love me some horror movies. Terribad and horrigreat, I kind of like them all. This post contains spoilers in clearly labeled Spoiler Section areas, so if you wanna avoid them cuz they baddies, just don’t read those sections.
The Boy (2016)
Basic plot synopsis: Starring Lauren Cohen (Maggie, from The Walking Dead!) the film is about an American chick (Greta) who takes a job as a nanny for an older British couple’s son, who happens to be a doll. NBD. Happens all the time. Greta learns this is some kind of weird coping mechanism and that their actual son died 20 years earlier. Greta begins to care for the doll as the older couple goes away on holiday, and suddenly, the doll seems like it might actually be alive.
Stewie says: Doll movies, always creepy. I would love a doll to make me a PBJ… sounds like a perfect doll to me. I loved everything about this flick, from the cute grocery boy and Lauren Cohen’s chemistry, to the super creepiness of this doll and all the weird rules surrounding its care. Greta seems to have a pretty realistic reaction to everything that happens to her, including her coming to realize that the doll might be alive. I totally sympathize. My dolls come to life all the time.
Spoiler Section: As it turns out, the long dead son that this old couple was mourning was living in the walls the hold time. UGH if I had a nickel for every ex-boyfriend I found living in my walls. And suddenly, everything they had revealed about the dead son’s behavior, and the care they give the doll (Loud music! Louder!) makes so much sense. The peeps at Rotten Tomatoes gave this flick a 27%, which I’m like… why?! I loved it! People seem super butthurt that the creepy doll from the movie was not actually supernaturally possessed by the spirit of a dead little boy, which, yeah, I feel that way all the time when I look at my Care Bears. But I think the twist / reveal was ultimately super scary and unexpected. It gives me chills and I still see creepy dudes wearing doll masks crawling out of my closet.
9/10 spoops: 10/10 was surprised, 7/10 doll cuteness factor, 9/10 badass level of a suicide pact in the ocean
I am the Pretty Thing that Lives in your House (2016)
Basic plot synopsis: A Netflix-made movie! An in-home nurse named Lily, who is easily spooked, goes to care for like, the old lady version of Stephen King. The old lady was a hit in her time for writing some of the scariest horror novels, including a particularly famous one about someone named Polly. Lily starts to discover that one of the books this author wrote might have been based on an actual murder that happened in the house.
Stewie says: This movie had me on the edge of my old lady hipster rocking chair. The visuals of the gorgeous ghosty, old school music (30’s and 40’s… think the Twilight Zone Tower of Terror) and suspense-building/timing of everything make it totally worth the watch. It’s probably a bit slow if you’re the kind of person who likes to watch arms get chopped off every 5 seconds and also if that’s you, you crazy. It’s pretty easy to sympathize with Lily, in the way that she constantly looks like she is peeing herself from being in that creepy house. It doesn’t have that stay with you, “scared to get out of bed and pee in the middle of the night” (totally me) horror movie vibe, but it was enjoyable and elegant nonetheless. Also, ghost clothes, 10/10, would cosplay.
Spoiler Section: Rotten Tomatoes gave this 60%, and most people were pissed off because they said the film was boring and pretentious. I mean, I guess the old lady did have an old school rotary phone in her home, which is pretty hipster, so ya. If you weren’t interested in the beginning of the movie because it wasn’t gory enough, the bit where Polly the ghost lady gets her head smashed in was enough to crack the tension that had been building. The time travel bits, where we see the old author in her time, were totally cool. Plus lots of interesting chicks which is overall cool in movies.
7/10 spoops: 12/10 fashionable ghost dresses, 4/10 modern day phone usage
Thanks for reading. I welcome your recommendations, so please post them in a comment!