50 ridiculous and awesome things I would buy if I won the Powerball lottery

It’s everywhere – Powerball fever! And the best part about that? Fantasizing about what you would spend your millions (or billions!) on! I’ve compiled a list of the more essential things I’d squander my new-found wealth on.

1. “Firefly,” second season. And third.
2. Pay a Starbucks barista to write “Fonzi” on everyone’s cup for a day
3. One of those guns that shoots out a little flag with the word “Bang” on it
4. Goat farm
5. Pay JK Rowling to tweet that Draco Malfoy is a cotton-headed ninny muggins
6. Pet monkey named Edgar. Coat not optional


7. Caregiver for pet monkey (caregiver not to be named Edgar, too confusing)
8. Funeral costs for caregiver of pet monkey, once pet monkey ultimately kills him 🙁
9. Pet lobster (much more manageable)
10. Life-size cardboard cut-outs of Orlando Bloom as Legolas for each of my co-workers
11. Pink bowling ball with human skull in it
12. A planet named “Couscous”
13. All the tattoos
14. Panda party
15. Room full of Japanese Gashapons
16. Season passes to all of the Disney theme parks
17. A castle
18. Signed document from all my enemies stating “I never really thought she was that bad”
19. Legal name change to Stewie
20. Legal name change back to Leslie when my mom gives me major shade
21. A bouncy castle
22. Fresh coconut water every morning

23. A lilac Mini Cooper with the license plate “MYLILPNY”
24. All remaining copies of ET: The Extra-Terrestrial for Atari
25. A functioning replica of the Voyager Golden Record
26. Voice role in new “As Told By Ginger” reboot
27. A major technology expansion for the IGGPPC
28. Develop restaurant franchise just like the Rainforest Cafe, but the Outer Space Cafe. Gravity optional.
30. Tokidoki Barbie
31. A replica of the costume Snow White wears in Disney World
32. An avocado tree
33. Go to France to see what champagne is “really supposed to taste like.” Try it in front of a bunch of champagne enthusiasts. Act unimpressed.
34. Babysitter for my tamagotchi
35. Private detective to figure out if Steve Avery really did it or not
36. A heart shaped hot tub
37. My own private island filled with wombats

PIc by cowsexual on Weheartit

38. Cotton candy machine
39. 1,000 friendly kittens for a local nursing home
40. Dive into a room full of gold coins, Uncle Scrooge style
41. Every third Tuesday of the month would henceforth be known as “Wiggle day”
42. Pink toilet paper
43. Gak, Floam, and any other toys from my childhood I can’t seem to find anywhere anymore
44. Swimming pool full of jello. Not green.
45. An adorable army of Great Danes with clever rich-person names like “Neiman Barkus” and “Cosmopawlitan”
46. Carl Kassel’s voice on my voicemail
47. Vintage airstream
48. Fancy ass wine cellar, fully stocked with delish red wine
49. The answer as to what the 3 seashells mean
50. The Pokemon Jet

This is a Doggie Bag post, which means I want you to take it home, and write your own! Post a comment with a link to your “50 ridiculous and awesome things I would buy if I won the Powerball lottery” blog posts, or just comment with your own extravagant needs.

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