50 ridiculous and awesome things I would buy if I won the Powerball lottery

It’s everywhere – Powerball fever! And the best part about that? Fantasizing about what you would spend your millions (or billions!) on! I’ve compiled a list of the more essential things I’d squander my new-found wealth on.

1. “Firefly,” second season. And third.
2. Pay a Starbucks barista to write “Fonzi” on everyone’s cup for a day
3. One of those guns that shoots out a little flag with the word “Bang” on it
4. Goat farm
5. Pay JK Rowling to tweet that Draco Malfoy is a cotton-headed ninny muggins
6. Pet monkey named Edgar. Coat not optional

pet-monkey

7. Caregiver for pet monkey (caregiver not to be named Edgar, too confusing)
8. Funeral costs for caregiver of pet monkey, once pet monkey ultimately kills him 🙁
9. Pet lobster (much more manageable)
10. Life-size cardboard cut-outs of Orlando Bloom as Legolas for each of my co-workers
11. Pink bowling ball with human skull in it
12. A planet named “Couscous”
13. All the tattoos
14. Panda party
15. Room full of Japanese Gashapons
16. Season passes to all of the Disney theme parks
17. A castle
18. Signed document from all my enemies stating “I never really thought she was that bad”
19. Legal name change to Stewie
20. Legal name change back to Leslie when my mom gives me major shade
21. A bouncy castle
22. Fresh coconut water every morning

23. A lilac Mini Cooper with the license plate “MYLILPNY”
24. All remaining copies of ET: The Extra-Terrestrial for Atari
25. A functioning replica of the Voyager Golden Record
26. Voice role in new “As Told By Ginger” reboot
27. A major technology expansion for the IGGPPC
28. Develop restaurant franchise just like the Rainforest Cafe, but the Outer Space Cafe. Gravity optional.
30. Tokidoki Barbie
31. A replica of the costume Snow White wears in Disney World
32. An avocado tree
33. Go to France to see what champagne is “really supposed to taste like.” Try it in front of a bunch of champagne enthusiasts. Act unimpressed.
34. Babysitter for my tamagotchi
35. Private detective to figure out if Steve Avery really did it or not
36. A heart shaped hot tub
37. My own private island filled with wombats


PIc by cowsexual on Weheartit

38. Cotton candy machine
39. 1,000 friendly kittens for a local nursing home
40. Dive into a room full of gold coins, Uncle Scrooge style
41. Every third Tuesday of the month would henceforth be known as “Wiggle day”
42. Pink toilet paper
43. Gak, Floam, and any other toys from my childhood I can’t seem to find anywhere anymore
44. Swimming pool full of jello. Not green.
45. An adorable army of Great Danes with clever rich-person names like “Neiman Barkus” and “Cosmopawlitan”
46. Carl Kassel’s voice on my voicemail
47. Vintage airstream
48. Fancy ass wine cellar, fully stocked with delish red wine
49. The answer as to what the 3 seashells mean
50. The Pokemon Jet


This is a Doggie Bag post, which means I want you to take it home, and write your own! Post a comment with a link to your “50 ridiculous and awesome things I would buy if I won the Powerball lottery” blog posts, or just comment with your own extravagant needs.

Sharing is caring!

5 reasons why big blogs bore me

This post was inspired by my salsa-encrusted friend Meghan’s post, “Are you blogging for all the wrong reasons???” This post is meant to be a personal reflection on my feelings of detachment towards immensely popular personal blogs. This post is not a comment on all popular personal blogs, but trends and patterns I notice, and my own emo-bullshit feelings on the subject. Proceed with a sense of humor, and a grain of salt – preferably on the rim of a margarita.


Blogging has roots in the glory days of Xanga and Livejournal (and even Geocities!), where readers got to peek into the minds of real people – relatable people! Just like you and me. It was an adventure in articulating yourself, in text form, and to the most hostile of audiences – the Internet. I’ve written a number of riveting blog posts on the subject of blogging. And by riveting, I mean, sometimes I ramble about things. And sometimes wine is involved. Here are just a few reasons I’ve become jaded with super popular blogs.

i-woke-up-like-this
Aurora, you playin’

1. The bigger a blog gets, the less personal and less real it seems.
The more bloggers stage Instagram photos, endlessly promote their totes affordable e-book or e-course, or push out detached content (that feels like its written more for traffic, trend piggybacking, or shock value), the more it feels like a performance, and not an authentic blog. There’s a tricky correlation between how refined, polished, and poised a blog becomes, and how disingenuous it feels. Socality Barbie’s Instagram makes a spot-on satirical commentary on this staging of a life that no one leads, but that everyone can relate to. Blogging professionalism is not something to be poo-pooed on – I think an editorial calendar, smartly-shared pins and tweets, and top-notch photos are to be commended and encouraged! But there’s some kind of a wiggly squiggly line, and I’m not even sure my own self where it’s at. I just know I want to stay on the “real” side of it.

tyler-salad
Tyler Oakley loves salad, as do Stock Photo Models

2. The pressure is on to put out content your audience expects, vs. content you want to put out. (Not that these things are mutually exclusive)
Once you build yourself up and develop your niche, diverting off this path has to be extremely difficult. I’d imagine your blog readers may even get hostile, if you have a change of heart, and begin to blog about something different (but maybe that’s just my perception of this terrifying place we call the world wide web). Let’s be real – people grow and change on the daily, and shouldn’t our blogs be free to do so? Or would readers of popular blogs bust down our doors (or comment buttons), pitchforks in hand, if perchance a blogger changed their tune? Not impossible, I’m sure, but undoubtedly difficult. And if a super blogger faces such peril, who can say they aren’t just an echo of their blog from years past, and not a changed person today, wanting to blog about something else?

3. It’s difficult to trust what’s being said, and constantly worrying what the motive is.
Once you know a blogger you love has been sponsored by Super Corp. USA, or whichever brand it is, it’s tough to trust that the content isn’t being weasled and wiggled by “the man” – as much as you might trust the blogger. As a blogger, the odds of being able to represent the products you truly love must be astronomical. Logically, we start at the bottom, and go through the less desirable brands first. So do bloggers sell their souls at first, blogging about the fiddle and the faddle, to then be able to represent the brands they truly love? It’s slippery hill you have to climb. Not impossible, but improbable, yes. Additionally, what message are bloggers sending when they do sell out for a brand, beloved or not? It might stink of consumerism, but we all love our stuff, especially when it doesn’t cost anything. But free stuff comes with strings attached – particularly marionette-style to your soul, while you feed the greed machine. Another wiggly line. Walk that tight rope with caution.

office-space
Office Space is my reality.

4. The authentic interactivity fizzles.
How can you develop a friendship with someone who has craptons of followers? It’s difficult enough weeding through endless notifications, but to authentically respond to them all? I’m no saint, but I love knowing who is out and about in my blog world, and having conversations with them. Checking up on peoples’ blogs and social media is an awesome way to catch up with those I consider Internet friends. My under-updated Geek Posse contains just a glimpse of the people I care to check up on – who deliver great (and personable) content! And the Geek Girl Pen Pals is also a community that makes it easy to see what all the amazing people in my community are up to! But popularity comes with sacrifices, and that sometimes includes real relationships and genuine conversation. With thousands or millions of people begging for your attention, it is impossible to keep up with it all, let alone develop genuine connections.

5. Celebrities, bloggers included, become less like people and more like brands. And while brands are cool, I don’t truly care about them.
Maybe bloggers aren’t always posting heart-wrenching and emotional stories, but I want to feel like I’m reading about a real person. I worry that if someone knows thousands of people will be reading their post, and judging it, they’d be carefully crafting it to be a perfect display of their brand. Yes, I advocate developing your brand. It’s valuable, professionally. But remember, when it comes to a personal blog, the word “person” is in there. Fame isn’t something people ask for, it’s driven by the random algorithm known as “popularity.” But an authentic blog needs to be a real, and needs to feel like the words of a person, not a brand.

ned-stark-blog
I miss you, Ned.

Clearly, anyone can blog for any damn reason they want to. I can’t discern what or why people blog. Hoomans can choose to have a blog of any quality, that promotes and posts whatever they choose. But – TL;DR – I long for the days of LiveJournal, and raw emotion on the Internet. The authenticity that comes from pouring your heart out online is a genuine glimpse of humanity through the computer screen, and makes me – and hopefully all of you- feel a little less alone, in the tubes of the Internet.

I know I’m guilty of some of the stuff I’ve bitched about, as are some of you readers. Not that I want everyone to stop doing their thing, or being popular, which is outside of anyone’s control. That’s what we’re all trying to do as bloggers: grow ourselves and expand our reach, right? I’m sure if my blog exploded in an estrogen and glitter-filled rage of popularity, I’d be puffing a different pipe right about now. But alas, this is my reflection. So come with me, tiny bunnies… hop through the series of tubes with me. Go make an Internet friend (or two, or 10), while continuing to put out authentic content you really care about. Big blogs can be awesome, and clearly became popular for a reason. But teeny blogs are awesome in a way all their own. Keep it real, Interwebs.

Sharing is caring!

5 Reasons Why I Love the world of Harry Potter #Potterweek

Greetings, muggles and magic folks alike! This post is brought to you by a glorious week we’re in the midst of celebrating – #Potterweek! Originally started by Common Room, a blog and podcast by my pal Hadas and her comrades, Potterweek is a celebration of all things Hogwarts. While today’s prompt is #PotterHouse, I’m a crazy pixie who does what she wants, so I’m going a bit more generalized with my Potterweek post. I’ll be running down a list of 5 reasons why I love Harry Potter, and all that the universe entails.

So many small and mischievous creatures and critters!
Merlin’s Pants! So many adorable creatures to choose from! I have always been fan of small, mischievous, and magical beings in books and movies. My favorite champs in League of Legends are Yordles, I am obsessed with garden gnomes, and the Asura in Guild Wars 2 totes claimed my heart. In the Harry Potter world, we have House-Elves, goblins, and even pixies! Rowling’s world contains many fantastic races, as do many fantasy books. Of course you have your big and tall, like giants and dragons, but you totally have to balance this out with your stubby and small! My favorite creature character from Harry Potter is Winky, a House-Elf from the books (but sadly left out of the movies). Heck – I’d even give Kreacher a fair shake… the little jerk.

It’s easy to imagine yourself being sorted, selecting a wand, getting an animal familiar, and making friends.
Admit it – when you read the books or watched the movies, in the back of your mind you were choosing what path you’d go down. Rowling outlined so many ways that readers could imagine how they would integrate into the world of Potter. We guessed where the Sorting Hat would put us. We fantasized about what our wands would be made of, and the stories behind them. We figured out which animal familiar we’d have. And we totally knew which gang of friends we’d want to hang out with in the halls of Hogwarts. The characters are all so interesting and diverse, so it’s easy to pick a favorite that you can relate to. (For the record, I’d be a Hufflepuff with a Toad familiar, chilling with Luna Lovegood after classes.)

Rowling teaches us about social injustice and issues that are applicable to the real world.
Social injustice and real world parallels exist in spades in Harry Potter’s world. The oppression of the enslaved House Elves is one of the first civil rights issues we encounter in the world. Well, Hermione, sign me up for SPEW, because this part of the books and movies totally put a beetle in my witch’s hat. Free the House Elves! Rights for House Elves now!!! *hops off soap box* Rowling also teaches us not to blindly trust authority, the news, or people in power, but to question them and think for ourselves. The Ministry of Magic certainly had its own dirty laundry, as did the cult of Voldemort and his Death Eaters. Additionally, we all learned to keep our friends close – the themes of the importance of friendship in the books and movies are some of my favorite, second to My Little Pony of course. I found this Buzzfeed article pretty spot on in its listing of social injustice lessons Harry Potter taught us.

Villains are loved almost as much as good guys.
Good guys have bad sides, and bad guys have good sides. Even characters we think are perfect and flawless, (such as Dumbledore, or Harry’s dad) aren’t as perfect as we think. Likewise, those who are evil grumpy nastypants (such as Snape and Malfoy) actually have depth to them, and are pitifully seen in some ways as products of their environments. These portrayals are realistic and show us that people we perceive as good or evil can sometimes be both at different times. Nothing is black and white, least of all not people. Not to mention… some of the villains are just loveable, despite being bad to the bone. Bellatrix Lestrange, anyone? Yeah, she’s awesomely evil. This post has a few of your favorite baddies doing what we love to hate them for.

It’s Harry Potter, dammit. It’s beautiful and perfect and lovely and you love it. YOU LOVE IT.
Talk to the wand, because I don’t need a 5th reason. The world of Harry Potter is a magical place and everyone wants to be there, save for a few cranky squibs. It’s laced with magic (like you’ve never looked up all the Harry Potter spells before), wonder, surprises, fun, adventure, and so much more. We have the Wizarding World theme park and Pottermore, the amazing interactive website and reading experience to prove just how much its fans love it. The universe is so well-developed, immersive, and believable. The characters and their relationships are so beautiful and addictive. The overall storyline, as well as the smaller storylines in each book, are so well thought out and totally flawless. In short, JK Rowling, you’ve bewitched us all, so please have a Butterbeer on us, because this Potterhead ain’t goin anywhere.


Wanna hear me talk a little bit about Potter things with my Charmbomb girls? Check out this special mini-episode of Charmbomb!

Do you have 5 reasons you love Harry Potter? Post them in a comment or your own blog post. Be sure to use #Potterweek to share the love!

Sharing is caring!

Internet Pixie: A How-To Guide

As you may or may not know… I identify as an Internet Pixie. My friend Mia of Superheroesque posed the challenging question, as to what I thought an Internet pixie was. So… I tried to explain the laws of the Internet Pixies as best as I could, without giving too much about our secret society away!

“When the first Internet Pixie LOLed for the first time, its laugh broke into 9+10 pieces, and they all went trolololing about… and that was the beginning of Internet Pixies.”

The 4 Laws of the Internet Pixies

To Make Friends Across the Interwebs

An Internet Pixie loves her fellow Pixies, and everyone else for that matter! She is always flitting around on the various social channels to drop a little bit of pixie dust on peoples’ heads.

To Spread Positivity

An Internet Pixie spreads positive vibes far and near. They send out positive thoughts and encouraging messages, sometimes for no reason at all! And sometimes weird emoticons. ヽ(´ー`)人(´∇`)人(`Д´)ノ

To Goof Off Rampantly

Pixies love to laugh – at themselves, and at others, in a jovial sort of friendly manner. An internet pixie loves pranks, tomfoolery, silliness, and jokes. They love to break the tension with a silly giggle snort. Sometimes they sneeze glitter into your face.

To Sprinkle Weirdness and Whimsybobbins

An Internet Pixie may have been on your Facebook wall if the last 50 posts you made have been liked. Or if you notice all of their Twitter posts are upside down. Or if mysteriously all of your wedding photos have been photoshopped with fish heads in place of people. Hey, it happens!

Spread your wings


Do you know someone who’s earned their wings? Tell me who you think deserves to be recognized as an Internet Pixie, or if you are one!

Sharing is caring!

Dear R.L. Stine: Thank you.

Well, well. Mr. Stine. Can I call you R? No, that sounds silly. I’ll just call you what I’ve always called you: R. L. Stine. I’ve been meaning to write you a “Thank you letter” for nearly 15 years. Now that I’m turning 30, I’m realizing just how important you were to me growing up. I wanted to write you a little note of gratitude.

I remember seeing your books, the “Goosebumps” series, for the first time in the book store. I must have been 8 or 9, and I knew that those books would be different than all the other books that kids my age liked. Boxcar Children and Baby-Sitters, bah, well. They were neat, but they weren’t exactly relatable. Your books set off a cobweb-covered light bulb over my head the first time I saw them. After my wonderful mom begrudgingly bought me my first Goosebumps book, “Welcome to Dead House,” I knew it was the start of something… interesting. No other book spoke to me on a ‘weirdo level.’ In fact, I didn’t even know a ‘weirdo level’ existed, until I saw your books.

“Goosebumps” really struck a chord with me. The bright-colored covers with textured spooky dripping font, always featuring very creepy scenes. Your covers scared me for a long time, if you didn’t know. But I knew I had to read them – the books that seemed meant for strange kids, like me.

I grew obsessed with each story. Each kid, in the center of a world where they didn’t belong, but could somehow always figure things out. Parents, who just didn’t understand. Unusual happenings, ghostly friends, monster blood, ancient relics, werewolves, haunted houses, and sometimes an alien or a shrunken head, to add flavor to the poisoned soup. I could relate to these kids, overcoming odds in an odd world. So unlike in the real world (which was so boring!), I felt right at home in your unhomely books.

You’ll get a real kick out of this: When I was 21, I took college courses to become a school teacher. One class, “Children’s Literature,” I’ll never forget. Our teacher went around the room asking us what our favorite books were as children. Books that we would recommend to kids in our own classroom, were we ever to teach one. My answer was obvious. “The Goosebumps books,” I said proudly, eagerly awaiting the nods of gratitude, cheers, and high fives my classmates would surely be giving me. But, to my shock, the teacher quickly dismissed my answer. “I don’t think those books would be appropriate for children. Those books are too scary.”

“Those books?” I thought through my arched eyebrow, my curled upper lip. “Those books meant a hell of a lot more to me as a kid than I think you would ever understand, lady.” Needless to say, I dropped the class and left a Haunted Mask on her desk.

Those books gave me the go-ahead to be me. Those books showed me a world of kooks, creeps and ‘cabres. (That’s short for macabres, if you didn’t know.) Those books made me confident that, no matter how different I thought I was, there was at least one person who gave me permission to be me. That was you, R. L. Stine.

Thank you for creating a series of books that, at the most impressionable time of my life, when I felt like an alien among my peers (or perhaps I was but still hadn’t figured out how to contact my home planet yet), made me feel like someone out there understood me. It was okay to be a freak – curious, mysterious, and totally out there. Thanks for the “Goosebumps” books.

Looking at the haunted house I live next door to, my own collection of creepy toys much like Slappy the dummy, and my love of cheesy horror movies, I’ve no doubt they are certainly a tribute to you and your gateway into the land of weird.

Thank you.

Yours in weird-ness,


Thanks for reading! If R. L. Stine, or another author, greatly shaped you as a kid, post a comment to let me (or them) know!

This post was #4 on my list of 20 things to do when you’re down in the dumps.

I have learned that there will be a Goosebumps movie, starring Jack Black as R. L. Stine coming out in 2015. Look out for it – you know I will be!

Sharing is caring!