50 ridiculous and awesome things I would buy if I won the Powerball lottery

It’s everywhere – Powerball fever! And the best part about that? Fantasizing about what you would spend your millions (or billions!) on! I’ve compiled a list of the more essential things I’d squander my new-found wealth on.

1. “Firefly,” second season. And third.
2. Pay a Starbucks barista to write “Fonzi” on everyone’s cup for a day
3. One of those guns that shoots out a little flag with the word “Bang” on it
4. Goat farm
5. Pay JK Rowling to tweet that Draco Malfoy is a cotton-headed ninny muggins
6. Pet monkey named Edgar. Coat not optional

pet-monkey

7. Caregiver for pet monkey (caregiver not to be named Edgar, too confusing)
8. Funeral costs for caregiver of pet monkey, once pet monkey ultimately kills him :(
9. Pet lobster (much more manageable)
10. Life-size cardboard cut-outs of Orlando Bloom as Legolas for each of my co-workers
11. Pink bowling ball with human skull in it
12. A planet named “Couscous”
13. All the tattoos
14. Panda party
15. Room full of Japanese Gashapons
16. Season passes to all of the Disney theme parks
17. A castle
18. Signed document from all my enemies stating “I never really thought she was that bad”
19. Legal name change to Stewie
20. Legal name change back to Leslie when my mom gives me major shade
21. A bouncy castle
22. Fresh coconut water every morning

23. A lilac Mini Cooper with the license plate “MYLILPNY”
24. All remaining copies of ET: The Extra-Terrestrial for Atari
25. A functioning replica of the Voyager Golden Record
26. Voice role in new “As Told By Ginger” reboot
27. A major technology expansion for the IGGPPC
28. Develop restaurant franchise just like the Rainforest Cafe, but the Outer Space Cafe. Gravity optional.
30. Tokidoki Barbie
31. A replica of the costume Snow White wears in Disney World
32. An avocado tree
33. Go to France to see what champagne is “really supposed to taste like.” Try it in front of a bunch of champagne enthusiasts. Act unimpressed.
34. Babysitter for my tamagotchi
35. Private detective to figure out if Steve Avery really did it or not
36. A heart shaped hot tub
37. My own private island filled with wombats


PIc by cowsexual on Weheartit

38. Cotton candy machine
39. 1,000 friendly kittens for a local nursing home
40. Dive into a room full of gold coins, Uncle Scrooge style
41. Every third Tuesday of the month would henceforth be known as “Wiggle day”
42. Pink toilet paper
43. Gak, Floam, and any other toys from my childhood I can’t seem to find anywhere anymore
44. Swimming pool full of jello. Not green.
45. An adorable army of Great Danes with clever rich-person names like “Neiman Barkus” and “Cosmopawlitan”
46. Carl Kassel’s voice on my voicemail
47. Vintage airstream
48. Fancy ass wine cellar, fully stocked with delish red wine
49. The answer as to what the 3 seashells mean
50. The Pokemon Jet


This is a Doggie Bag post, which means I want you to take it home, and write your own! Post a comment with a link to your “50 ridiculous and awesome things I would buy if I won the Powerball lottery” blog posts, or just comment with your own extravagant needs.

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Stewie’s Picks: November 2015

Brisk autumn chills are here (sort of) in Scranton, Pennsylvania. Alright, it’s been unseasonably warm, which is kind of annoying. I’ve been trying to cozy up in my winter coat and scarf, but mostly I’m just sweaty. I’m also getting psyched for the holiday season! Fa la la la la… I might be watching Christmas movies already. Don’t hate, I just got cable, and the Hallmark channel is my jam. Here’s what I’ve been a drooling fangirl for this month!

Felicia Day’s “You’re Never Weird on the Internet” [Audio book]

felicia-day-youre-never-weird
Source: Nerdist.com

Felicia Day’s book makes me itch, but in a good way. It’s been inspiring me to create, while making me snort-laugh out loud. Felicia Day’s memoir covers her strange home-schooled childhood, angst-filled teen years (including awkward band moments), the sudden growth of a magical land known as the Internet, and ultimately her well-deserved success as a writer, actor and producer. It’s weird, uncomfortable, inspiring, funny, and totes relatable. Between candid descriptions of panic attacks in parked cars, social anxiety in Build-a-Bear workshops, a serious World of Warcraft addiction, and becoming a professional trash picker (for her screenplay, duh), this book has too much awesome and too much geek culture to reference. Listening to the audio book, as read by the author Felicia, will only help you to fully understand her neurotic awesomeness, as you listen to the cracks, quirk, and humor in her voice. If you’re a super nerd, love video games, were a child of 90’s and remember the rise of the Internet, or are an awkward lady – you’ll adore this adorable trip down her memory lane. I am loving it, and relating to every hilarious moment. (If you want to read about my personal Internet Firsts, I wrote an embarrassing blog post about it.)

Hello Fresh [Delivered Food Box]


Source: Milled.com

If you want fresh-delivered ingredients that’ll make it look like a pilgrim barfed on your kitchen table, then you want Hello Fresh. It’s like a subscription box for people who like to pretend they can cook, and end up exploding a packet of cayenne pepper all over their kitchen table. I might not follow the recipes exactly (some of them involve using kitchen tools I don’t own, like a grater, or a peeler), but my cooking somehow turns out delicious. The ingredients are hand-picked from the best sources, the recipes are fun and unique, and it forces me to try new things. They send you everything you need for your entire meal, so there’s no chance for you to screw up and forget something at the grocery store (I do that all the time.) Use my referral code for a free box! (or don’t, I know it’s a lot of pressure, and who wants that?) I’d love to see pictures of your attempts at cooking (my attempts are hilarious and messy!) Seriously. I don’t cook.

Joe Hill’s “Locke and Key” [Comic Book / Audio Book / Drama Production]


Source: www2.gr.cl

In a nod to the spooky Cthulu mythos, Locke and Key is a fantastic story that takes place in Lovecraft, Massachusetts. The story centers around 3 very different siblings, and their enchanted house, known as Keyhouse. Their cozy home contains magical doors (and keys that unlock them!) to other worlds, or that grant you weird powers. If you found a key that could literally unlock your head, and then add or subtract anything you wanted by tossing in a book or removing a bad memory, you know you’d want to use it. The keys’ magical doings range from the ability to turn you into an animal, to the ability to change your gender entirely! (Mr. Stew could be a reality!) It’s not fair to call this an audio book – it’s a full blown theatrical audio production. Multiple voice actors, spooky sound effects, and enchanting music make this story immersive and magical. It’s hypnotizing, scary, and uber mystical. The original comic books are full of beautiful and imaginative artwork, so don’t leave those out if you listen to the book! Once you see how wild this story gets, you’ll want to see how it could possibly be drawn in comic book form.


What are you obsessed with this month? Let me know in a comment!

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5 reasons why big blogs bore me

This post was inspired by my salsa-encrusted friend Meghan’s post, “Are you blogging for all the wrong reasons???” This post is meant to be a personal reflection on my feelings of detachment towards immensely popular personal blogs. This post is not a comment on all popular personal blogs, but trends and patterns I notice, and my own emo-bullshit feelings on the subject. Proceed with a sense of humor, and a grain of salt – preferably on the rim of a margarita.


Blogging has roots in the glory days of Xanga and Livejournal (and even Geocities!), where readers got to peek into the minds of real people – relatable people! Just like you and me. It was an adventure in articulating yourself, in text form, and to the most hostile of audiences – the Internet. I’ve written a number of riveting blog posts on the subject of blogging. And by riveting, I mean, sometimes I ramble about things. And sometimes wine is involved. Here are just a few reasons I’ve become jaded with super popular blogs.

i-woke-up-like-this
Aurora, you playin’

1. The bigger a blog gets, the less personal and less real it seems.
The more bloggers stage Instagram photos, endlessly promote their totes affordable e-book or e-course, or push out detached content (that feels like its written more for traffic, trend piggybacking, or shock value), the more it feels like a performance, and not an authentic blog. There’s a tricky correlation between how refined, polished, and poised a blog becomes, and how disingenuous it feels. Socality Barbie’s Instagram makes a spot-on satirical commentary on this staging of a life that no one leads, but that everyone can relate to. Blogging professionalism is not something to be poo-pooed on – I think an editorial calendar, smartly-shared pins and tweets, and top-notch photos are to be commended and encouraged! But there’s some kind of a wiggly squiggly line, and I’m not even sure my own self where it’s at. I just know I want to stay on the “real” side of it.

tyler-salad
Tyler Oakley loves salad, as do Stock Photo Models

2. The pressure is on to put out content your audience expects, vs. content you want to put out. (Not that these things are mutually exclusive)
Once you build yourself up and develop your niche, diverting off this path has to be extremely difficult. I’d imagine your blog readers may even get hostile, if you have a change of heart, and begin to blog about something different (but maybe that’s just my perception of this terrifying place we call the world wide web). Let’s be real – people grow and change on the daily, and shouldn’t our blogs be free to do so? Or would readers of popular blogs bust down our doors (or comment buttons), pitchforks in hand, if perchance a blogger changed their tune? Not impossible, I’m sure, but undoubtedly difficult. And if a super blogger faces such peril, who can say they aren’t just an echo of their blog from years past, and not a changed person today, wanting to blog about something else?

3. It’s difficult to trust what’s being said, and constantly worrying what the motive is.
Once you know a blogger you love has been sponsored by Super Corp. USA, or whichever brand it is, it’s tough to trust that the content isn’t being weasled and wiggled by “the man” – as much as you might trust the blogger. As a blogger, the odds of being able to represent the products you truly love must be astronomical. Logically, we start at the bottom, and go through the less desirable brands first. So do bloggers sell their souls at first, blogging about the fiddle and the faddle, to then be able to represent the brands they truly love? It’s slippery hill you have to climb. Not impossible, but improbable, yes. Additionally, what message are bloggers sending when they do sell out for a brand, beloved or not? It might stink of consumerism, but we all love our stuff, especially when it doesn’t cost anything. But free stuff comes with strings attached – particularly marionette-style to your soul, while you feed the greed machine. Another wiggly line. Walk that tight rope with caution.

office-space
Office Space is my reality.

4. The authentic interactivity fizzles.
How can you develop a friendship with someone who has craptons of followers? It’s difficult enough weeding through endless notifications, but to authentically respond to them all? I’m no saint, but I love knowing who is out and about in my blog world, and having conversations with them. Checking up on peoples’ blogs and social media is an awesome way to catch up with those I consider Internet friends. My under-updated Geek Posse contains just a glimpse of the people I care to check up on – who deliver great (and personable) content! And the Geek Girl Pen Pals is also a community that makes it easy to see what all the amazing people in my community are up to! But popularity comes with sacrifices, and that sometimes includes real relationships and genuine conversation. With thousands or millions of people begging for your attention, it is impossible to keep up with it all, let alone develop genuine connections.

5. Celebrities, bloggers included, become less like people and more like brands. And while brands are cool, I don’t truly care about them.
Maybe bloggers aren’t always posting heart-wrenching and emotional stories, but I want to feel like I’m reading about a real person. I worry that if someone knows thousands of people will be reading their post, and judging it, they’d be carefully crafting it to be a perfect display of their brand. Yes, I advocate developing your brand. It’s valuable, professionally. But remember, when it comes to a personal blog, the word “person” is in there. Fame isn’t something people ask for, it’s driven by the random algorithm known as “popularity.” But an authentic blog needs to be a real, and needs to feel like the words of a person, not a brand.

ned-stark-blog
I miss you, Ned.

Clearly, anyone can blog for any damn reason they want to. I can’t discern what or why people blog. Hoomans can choose to have a blog of any quality, that promotes and posts whatever they choose. But – TL;DR – I long for the days of LiveJournal, and raw emotion on the Internet. The authenticity that comes from pouring your heart out online is a genuine glimpse of humanity through the computer screen, and makes me – and hopefully all of you- feel a little less alone, in the tubes of the Internet.

I know I’m guilty of some of the stuff I’ve bitched about, as are some of you readers. Not that I want everyone to stop doing their thing, or being popular, which is outside of anyone’s control. That’s what we’re all trying to do as bloggers: grow ourselves and expand our reach, right? I’m sure if my blog exploded in an estrogen and glitter-filled rage of popularity, I’d be puffing a different pipe right about now. But alas, this is my reflection. So come with me, tiny bunnies… hop through the series of tubes with me. Go make an Internet friend (or two, or 10), while continuing to put out authentic content you really care about. Big blogs can be awesome, and clearly became popular for a reason. But teeny blogs are awesome in a way all their own. Keep it real, Interwebs.

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25 of my biggest pet peeves

  1. One-ply toilet paper.
  2. People who say “expresso.”
  3. Lukewarm coffee that I thought was hot.
  4. People who yell at their children in public for acting like children.
  5. Unnecessarily long receipts. Like come on, I just bought cat litter. I do not need that ridiculously long receipt for anything. I mean, unless I run out of cat litter I guess.
  6. People who leave empty boxes of blueberry waffles in the freezer. People, being my husband.
  7. Cursive fonts that aren’t kerned properly. Those little flappy doodles are supposed to connect with the other little flappy doodles, which is why they are sticking out so far.
  8. Price stickers that do not come off clean.
  9. People who spoiler all over social media before I’ve seen the show.
  10. Coffee that’s too sickeningly sweet, but I have to drink it anyway because I already left the drive-thru and I need my caffeine fix.
  11. People who don’t like Firefly. It’s a brilliant show, and you love it dammit!
  12. “Clumping” cat litter that so does not clump.
  13. The speed at which avocados ripen, and then go bad.
  14. People who call themselves “social media ninjas.”
  15. How my cape gets stuck under my butt when I sit down and it’s impossible to get up again.
  16. Talking on the phone to anyone ever.
  17. People who wear flip flops in winter.
  18. Apples in salad. Stay out of my salad, fruit!
  19. Cucumbers who are not yet pickles.
  20. People who don’t like pickles.
  21. Checking my voicemail.
  22. People who stand really close to me in line, and keep bumping into me. I have a bubble. Stay out of my bubble!
  23. People with fake plants in their houses. Like if you can’t keep plants alive, don’t pretend you have plants with imposter plants.
  24. People who say they hate people who have fake plants in their houses, but have them anyway. Like me.
  25. Secretly anise cookies.


This is a Doggie Bag post, which means I want you to take it home, and write your own! Post a comment with a link to your “25 biggest pet peeves” blog posts, or just comment with your own pet peeves.

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A very Burton-esque Halloween: Our Lydia Deetz and Edward Scissorhands costumes

Greetings ghouls and goblins! It’s been a scary Halloween here indeed. My husband and I dressed up in our finest and blackest garments for our take on classic Tim Burton films this All Hallows Eve. I’ve been a longtime fan of Tim Burton’s work, starting about when I was 13, and walked giddily into my first Hot Topic to see some of his iconic film characters on t-shirts. I grew up loving the “Nightmare Before Christmas,” and obsessing over Burton’s career, feeling like there might someday be a role for me among the Oyster Boys and Staring Girls of the world. I even had the privilege of interviewing Larry Wilson last year around Halloween time, regarding his work on “Beetlejuice,” “The Addams Family,” and his new Internet series “Cindy!” (You can see/listen to the full interview here) So, logically, these costumes are a long time dream of mine.

First up, my wonderful husband Mark, becoming my fangirl obsession, Edward Scissorhands. And by fangirl obsession, I mean my friends and I wrote fanfiction about Edward Scissorhands. And now you know. How embarrassingly dorky.

edward-scissorhands-costume

His Edward gloves came from Amazon, because making these would have been far too time-consuming, and probably just as expensive. The neck belts, shirt, suspenders and pants came from the thrift store. Simple stuff! And for his make-up, I watched this tutorial by Emma Pickles a few times over. We used a base of your basic White Halloween make-up, and then I took some brown and purple eyeshadow to try to recreate the eyes, lips, and cheek bone contouring. Mark did a bang-up job on the scars using thicker lines of white make-up, and contouring with a brown eyeliner pencil. I then styled a wig my sister used as Jane Lane from Daria to mimic Edward’s wild mane. We did it on the cheap, but damn – mission accomplished.

lydia-beetlejuicecostume

I recreated Lydia Deetz from “Beetlejuice” – the one where she has a big floppy black hat and is taking pictures outside of the house. I wore a shin-length black shirt, and button-up black top from the thrift store. Hairspray and hair paste took care of my weird bangs. I had the hat and blazer, as well as the tights and shoes. I found a similarly colored book at the thrift store, and used my graphic design magic (and hot glue!) to re-create the infamous “Handbook for the Recently Deceased.” My make-up for this look came with help from this tutorial by Chelsey Stacey. Light colored foundation, and brown around the eyes, as well as some nose and cheek contouring to try to achieve the Winona face.

This Halloween was a lot of fun… not only did we have really fun costumes, but role-playing is a must-do on Halloween. Mark spent most of the night pretending to cut peoples’ hair. These costumes have long been a dream of mine, so to finally be able to wear them with my husband has been so ridiculously fun!


What did you wear for Halloween? I demand pics!

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