Unless you’ve been living under a rock, then you are well aware that Couscous is my strange little Shih Tzu who I love with all my heart. She’s 8 years old and she’s got a lot of gusto. Before I adopted her, she lived in a small shelter in Honesdale. It’s possible a battery disposal site was slowly leaking acid waste into her food supply. Here are some jobs that she should never have…
- Professional Masseuse: While she would likely be the fuzziest and cutest masseuse in the salon, she would fail miserably at this job. She has little doggy claws that would scratch the customer’s back, if she manages to get on top of them at all. Chances are she’ll find some massage oil in a bottle or on someone’s back and try to eat it. When she’s not licking oil off of client’s backs, she’s also likely to throw herself face first at whoever is getting a massage. To Couscous, a face on the ground (or table) is an exclusive invitation to thrust herself into their face and then sneeze in their mouth.
- Air Traffic Controller: Even though standing on her hind legs for extended periods of time is one of her specialties, she would never be able to figure out how to hold those little glowy sticks. In fact, I’m willing to bet she would probably be afraid of them. Aside from running in fear from the strange evil glowing sticky thing, she just has to chase things that are faster than her. She’d quickly tire herself out bolting from one end of the runway to the next after planes, until eventually being run over by a luggage truck.
- Call-Center Customer Service Agent: This was a close one for me, as most of the call center customer service agents I speak to barely speak anything close to English. But unfortunately for Couscous, she only speaks Wooflish. Unless the people on the other end of the line are shouting ‘Up’ and ‘Roll Over’ she’s likely to cock her head to the side, stare at the phone, and try to eat it.
- Squirrel Rehabilitator: Couscous’ love of eating anything is only out shadowed by her love of choking herself to death on her leash while attempting to chase down squirrels. That bushy tail running through the trees sends Couscous into bouncing seizures and spasms of excitement. Good luck to any squirrel who crosses her spastic little path.
- Garbage Truck Lady: To Couscous, while everything is edible, nothing tastes better than garbage. She’s like a tiny little goat who tries to consume the edible and non-edible just for fun. She would certainly have fun riding on the back of the garbage truck, but when it came time for her to lift the garbage into the truck, she would instead knock it over, rip it to shreds, try to eat it, and probably then poop on it.